


the heart is like a door, she said

by thispapermoon



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017), The Worst Witch - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, TW: Homophobia, Two witches in love, actual family, magical baby, tw: mentions of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-19 01:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18129272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thispapermoon/pseuds/thispapermoon
Summary: A decade after running from Pippa after an impassioned night together, Hecate Hardbroom learns that the consequences of their time together are far more reaching than simple heartache. With Pippa now fielding vicious attacks from a shadow network that believes her magic a betrayal to witchcraft, Hecate must put aside her fears and feelings and step up into a role she’s hardly ready for, but is one in which she is desperately needed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been in the back of my head for so long!!! Writing it on the train to Amsterdam, please bear with any errors, life is just like that sometimes.

“Where is she? Let me see her -“ Hecate storms past the mediwitches, doors to the ward flying open at a sharp twist of her wrist. Her traveling cape billows behind her and she lengthens her stride, steps quick and sharp against the tile of the hospital floor. Behind her, the mediwitches protest, but she ignores them, halting abruptly when she reaches a door towards the end of the hall. She can feel Pippa’s magic inside. Weak. Hardly distinguishable from the swirl and curl of all other sources. But steady. And there.

She takes a breath.

“Leave.”

There’s enough command in her voice that the mediwitches obey without objection, backing away timidly and retreating in hast. Left alone in the in the silent, empty hall, Hecate squares her shoulders, clenches down hard on her shivering heart, and pushes through the door.

“Hecate -“

Freezing, Hecate looks up and into Pippa Pentangle’s eyes for the first time in a decade.

She’s relieved to note that she’s alert, through her eyes clouded with pain, and Hecate’s breath catches in her throat at the realization that Pippa sits in a chair beside the bed, not in it. For in the bed is a tiny girl, long black hair strewn across the white pillow as she lays with her eyes shut, machines beeping and whirring on the wall behind her.

And all the words she has prepared do not come.

Nothing comes.

She feels faint, and faintly sick, and the next moment Pippa has risen and is guiding her into the chair instead. She feels her knees give out and sits heavily, unable to tear her eyes away from the child.

“Who is that?”

Her words sound strangled, wrong even to her own ears, and Pippa hovers beside her, crouching down so she’s at Hecate’s eye level. Hecate notes a bruise running down the side of her cheek, the drying blood streaked along her hairline, a deep cut across her shoulder. She wants to reach for her, but her limbs can’t move. She fears that if she so much as blinks, her whole being will spin into a thousand pieces.

“Pippa,” she says again, more urgently, “Who is that.”

Slowly, gently, Pippa reaches out and takes her hands. Hecate wants to pull away but can’t.

“Hecate,” Pippa whispers, voice low and edged with something that makes Hecate shiver, “that’s our daughter.”

The room goes silent, and then pitch black, and suddenly Hecate’s undulating in a violent sea of utter horror. Her whole world is unraveling and reworking itself, unraveling and reworking itself. She’s up and out of her chair and back in the hallway, leaning against the cool wall swallowing bile as the floor tilts and spins beneath her.

Pippa’s by her side, hands steady on her elbows and Hecate tries to twist away but Pippa holds her fast. “Hecate - breathe, you need to breathe -“

Hecate takes a gasp of air, despite the protest from her mind and lungs, and then another under Pippa’s directive, her whole body fighting against the terror that courses through her. She transfers out then in, then out, then in, an old trick to focus when the world has become too much. Pippa is watching her cautiously when she stabilizes, slumping against the wall and breathing hard, fingertips digging into the paint as she wars with her knees to hold her upright.

“This is a joke.” Her voice is hard and Pippa winces.

“It’s not.”

And Hecate knows it’s not. Has known from the moment she lay eyes on the dark haired child, felt her magic. Half hers. Half Pippa’s. Her knees do give out then and she slides to the floor, burying her face in her hands. She feels Pippa silently join her.

“You didn’t think to tell me?”

Pippa gives a sharp laugh. It’s utterly humorless and Hecate flinches.  “I tried to tell you. But if I recall correctly you informed me that our night together was - how did you phrase it? Oh yes, ‘the most regrettable mistake of your life.’ You then went on to make it very clear that all consequences of our _mistake_ were equally as regrettable -“

Hecate closes her eyes against the pain in Pippa’s voice. “I hadn’t known that a consequence would be a _child_ \- Pippa it should not be _possible_ \- how - what -“

“I wrote to you.” Pippa’s voice is hard, unyielding. “Over and over. Each letter came back unopened.”

There’s hardly any space left in Hecate’s heart to process the regret and pain that flares through her, but she has to know. She has to. “Is she going to be alright?” It’s a whisper. Devastated and desperate, and she feels her whole body convulse with a shiver of trepidation.

She can only half look Pippa in the eye but watches in dazed relief as Pippa softens at the question.

“Yes, she’ll be just fine. They’re treating her for shock - she’s been giving a Sleeping Serum and fluids. But I needed to speak with you. After what happened it seemed unavoidable.”

“They said you were in the hospital -“ Hecate’s jaw works around the terror she’d felt at receiving such a message.

“I wasn’t sure you’d even come, even in that case.” Pippa admits, voice carefully neutral. “And I didn’t think it wise to tell you about such a thing in a message saying we were in hospital.” Her laugh is once again lacking in any humor. “Could you imagine: ‘Hi Hecate, I know you want nothing at all to do with either of us, but your daughter (surprise you have a daughter!) is at Hutchinson’s. It’s very urgent that I speak with you. Please come at your soonest convience.’ You would have sent me a hex rather than show up in person, I think.” Neutralness abandoned, there’s no way to keep the bitterness out of Pippa’s voice and Hecate winces again.

“Pippa -“

Pippa shakes her head. “I need you to listen. I need you to let me speak. You got to decide what you thought was best before - best for _you_ , that is - but there is a child involved now and I owe it to her to try to -“ she breaks off and shakes her head, then touches her forehead. Hecate frowns as her fingertips come away a little bloody.

“Pippa - “

“The organization that targeted me is vehemently against modern magic.” Pippa’s voice is flat, and Hecate realizes that she must have already recounted this to the police a dozen times already. “I’ve been receiving threats for some time. I’ve reported them, of course, but they weren’t considered serious enough in nature, apparently, to warrant an investigation.”

Hardly breathing, Hecate studies the way Pippa sits, hands curled in her lap, eyes distant as if searching for answers in the cracked tile patterns of the floor.

“Fortunately, very, very few people know that I have a daughter. And all have my explicit, absolute trust. She’s grown up freely on the grounds of Pentangle’s and sometimes comes with me to the village, but to the outside world at large, she doesn’t exist.” Pippa swallows and glances at her before continuing. “This proved to be a great service during the attack. They thought she was just another child in the market and didn’t go after her.”

“But they came after you.” Hecate’s voice is hoarse, and Pippa’s eyes flicker up to hers again before dropping.

“They think my school is blasphemous. Dangerous. They think I am as well. And yet they are the ones cornering us by the apothecary stall and - and - “

Pippa breaks off, unable to go on, and Hecate very nearly reaches for her hand. Her lungs are constricting, throat tightening, and she looks at Pippa’s bruised face and bloodied skin and wants to gather her close, tuck her against her her, and let her cry.

“Have you not received medical attention?”

Pippa shakes her head impatiently. “I didn’t want to leave her. She was so - so - _scared.”_ Voice trembling, Pippa wraps her arms tightly around her midsection and her fingers come up to brush against the door of the room. “I couldn’t leave her. Even after I knew she was safe.”

She looks at Hecate then, eyes wet and aching, and swallows. But when she speaks, her voice is steady. “But I asked you here because I cannot risk this happening again. She shouldn’t have to grow up in fear. And so I think it’s best if I do leave her. For a time, at least. The suspects weren’t apprehended, and even if they are, who knows how many others feel the same about my school and my magic. But I can no more give up who I am - _what_ I am - than lead her into danger. She’s grown up with my magic. But she’s grown up with your magic, too. She has your gifts. Your talents. And - clearly - your looks. She’s yours as much as she is mine, Hecate. And she’s starting to exhibits a strength of magic so similar to yours when we were young. Who better to learn from that from you? Who could better understand her? I just want her to be safe. And to grow up whole. She can’t do that if she’s in danger, and she can’t do that is she only knows one half of herself. Which is why I want her to come study at Cackle’s. She’s a year too young, but she’s smart. And I know - I know that she’d be safe there.”

Hecate stares at Pippa, and Pippa bites her lower lip, fidgeting uncertainty. “I know it’s a lot to take in. A daughter you never wanted. And I know that she puts you in a relationship with me that you never wanted - that you, in fact, were so desperate to avoid.” The bitterness is back in Pippa’s voice, sharp and curt, and Hecate wants to protest but can’t breathe enough to summon the words.

Instead she stands, knees stiff and trembling, and reaches down, skin sparking at Pippa’s touch when her hand comes to rest in Hecate’s own as she helps her up. The sensation is too much, and Hecate wrenches her fingers away at the soonest opportunity, turning so that she can peer through the tiny round pane of glass in the door.

She can’t stop fingers from reaching out to press against the glass and stands still, desperate, aching, watching the tiny figure in the bed.

Finally, slowly, she nods.

“I will take her. Until your troubles are resolved.”

Beside her, Pippa lets out a choked breath of relief, and, Hecate’s guesses, grief. Again she wants to take her hand, but even now she cannot find a way to bridge the gulf between them. Not now. Not after everything.

Side by side, they look at the girl, their daughter, together, for the very first time.

“What,” Hecate whispers, voice a rasp of pained longing, “is her name?”

Pippa makes a small sound over a shivering breath. And Hecate knows it’s one she’s been holding for a long, long time.

“Her name - “ Pippa whispers, and there’s something utterly soft and tender in her voice. “Her name is Joy.”

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments!!!!!!
> 
> Edit: Realized a few typos :( so sleepy will tho. Will fix them later. Zzzz time

Hecate’s still reeling when they’re interrupted by a mediwitch bustling through with a tray of spinning instruments which she sets up by Joy’s bed and puts to use, measuring and monitoring, and making notes on a small maglet that floats by her side.

“You really should get checked out, ma’am” she fixes Pippa under a concerned eye and Pippa sighs and shrugs.

“I will. I’m just waiting for -“

“Pippa -!”

There’s a call from the end of the hall and Pippa whirls around, tripping forward as a young woman hurries towards them catching Pippa up in her arms and holding her tightly.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry -“ the woman gasps, on hand wrapped around the back of Pippa’s head, holding her face her shoulder while her other goes around her waist anchoring her against her. “They only just let me through, the security is very tight out there - for good reason - _Merlin,_ are you alright?”

Hecate can only watch as Pippa’s golden head bobs in a nod from where it’s pressed against the maroon of the woman’s coat.

“And Joy -?”

“She’s fine - “ Pippa gasps, pulling back and wiping at her eyes. “We’re both fine. She’s through there, resting.”

Pippa angles her head towards the room and the woman catches Pippa’s chin, studying her wounds in horror. “Pips -

Pippa pulls away. “I’m alright, I promise I am, Avery. It’s going to take more than a marketplace brawl to take me down, isn’t it?”

“It’s wasn’t a brawl, Pip” the woman - Avery - whispers, eyes bright, voice low.

She touches Pippa’s cheek and Hecate feels her stomach, already tight and brimming with acid, contract further. “They’re saying - they’re saying -“

Pippa takes Avery’s hand. “I understand if you feel you need to step away from this. I would never ask you to put  yourself at risk.”

Avery tosses her head, all at once cocksure and defiant. “I’d like to see them try. Besides, you need me on your team. Haven’t I already proven that we’re better together?”

Pippa laughs. “Yes, you have.” She seems to remember Hecate’s there just then and startles a little, moving almost protectively in front of the woman as she introduces her. “Oh - you two haven’t met. This is Avery Heartsong,” Pippa glances over her shoulder. “Avery, this is -“

“Oh, I know who this is,” Avery says cooly, arms crossing across her front. “Wish I could say it were a pleasure.” She purses her lips and looks Hecate up and down. “Can I see Joy, Pip?”

Pippa nods her through the door, blushing a little, and once she’s gone she turns to Hecate, looking cautious. “You’ll have to excuse Avery, she’s a bit protective -“

Throat tight, Hecate grits out then words she knows she’s supposed to say but does not mean. “You make a lovely couple.”

Pippa blinks at her. Opens her mouth. Closes it. Blinks again. She’s suddenly laughing, though Hecate can’t fathom why.

“Avery’s my Deputy Head,” she gasps once she’s calmed. She casts Hecate a speculative look, one that Hecate doesn’t like one bit, and touches her cheek. “Laughing does hurt, I suppose I should find a doctor.”

“I’ll look at you,” Hecate says, too immediately for her own liking, and then does her utmost not to flush about it. “I - I only mean that - well - you know I was nearly though my rotations when I decided to take up teaching instead.”

Pippa studies, face unreadable, but after a moment her shoulders soften and she nods. “I suppose I would rather get looked at by someone who isn’t going to pry. I must admit I’ve spoken to more strangers today than I normally care to -“

“And that’s saying something for you.”

Pippa’s eyes crinkle up and she gives a small smile. “Yes, it is.”

There’s a beat between them, a moment of awkward tension where Hecate supposes she ought to keep any little remembrances she has about Pippa to herself. She hasn’t a right to know as much about her as she does - not now - not after everything.

Pippa looks apprehensively at the door where Avery has disappeared through. “I’m glad Avery’s come, it’s a familiar face at least, but I don’t love the idea of leaving Joy under present circumstances. She’ll be frightened if she wakes and I’m gone.”

“She’ll be more frightened if she wakes and finds her that her mother is injured.”

Pippa’s eyes widen. “Yes,” she says, shoulders slumping. “Alright.”

Hecate inclines her head and Pippa ducks into the room to speak softly with Avery for a moment before she follows her down the hall. They locate an empty exam room and Pippa slides onto the table, the waxy paper crinkling under her skirt as she settles. Hecate washes up and flips on the exam light, wincing as it hits Pippa’s face and extent of her damage is revealed in utterly stark and brutal brilliance.

Fingers trembling, Hecate unpacks some sterile swabs and peruses the jars of potions that line the walls. She selects a few, lip between her teeth, and then returns to Pippa’s side, mixing the ointments into into a shallow dish until at last she’s satisfied.

“Tilt your head.” Her fingers reach out and tentatively guide Pippa’s face to one side so that her bruise faces the light. Hecate swallows at the feel of Pippa’s warm skin against her fingertips. “The bruise won’t hurt much,” she assures her, dapping a paste against the purple-mottled skin. “It need only sit for a few minutes while I work on your head wound.” She picks up another dish of her own mixture and selects a fresh swab. “This will sting.”

Gently as she can, she applies the serum to Pippa’s hairline, heart squeezing up as Pippa jerks a little and whimpers softly. But she bites her lip and curls her fingers around the edge of the table, tears stealing down her cheeks, silent until Hecate’s applied the last of the topical elixir.

 _I’m sorry,_ Hecate wants to say. About so many things. But she pulls back instead, fingers cautious against Pippa’s dress just over her shoulder. “I will need to remove some fabric to clean this properly. I can repair it after.”

Pippa nods, clearly unable to speak, and Hecate tugs open the wrent in the fabric, easing the halves down until Pippa’s shoulder is exposed. It’s overly intimate, to be standing here with Pippa so vulnerable; beaten and bruised with her bra strap showing and her marred and bloodied flesh. Hecate eases the strap down, holding her breath the whole while, heart flipping sickly within her chest at the sight of Pippa’s damage.

She takes particular care not to touch Pippa’s skin and their eyes meet as something passes between them. A memory. A regret.

And Hecate drops her eyes and busies herself back at the potions.

“Tell me about her.” It’s not really what she means to say, but even with the numbing agent she swipes across Pippa’s torn skin, she knows with a wound this deep that Pippa will need the distraction. She follows with a sterilizing agent and Pippa hisses, nearly yanking herself away, but Hecate catches the back of her shoulder and holds her still. “Tell me about Joy.”

The name is awkward on her tongue, her own name. Given to her own child. A piece of herself that’s been passed on without any idea of it at all.

Pippa keeps her eye shut and breathes sharply, nails digging into the examination table.

“She’s bright. Funny. Generally well adjusted.” She cracks an eye open and squints at Hecate, “possibly a little spoiled. But only because she has a habit of utterly charming everyone she meets.” Hecate presses a Suturing Salve to the wound and Pippa’s eyes slam shut again. “But I like to think that I haven’t been an utter pushover as a parent. I want her to be independent. To know the value of hard work.” Hecate releases the pressure and Pippa sighs in relief. “She likes potions. And bats. Crazy about bats, the little goof. And she has a bit of a knack for Greenhouse Magic, though I don’t think she knows it yet. Not very confident on a broomstick - it’s the heights - but we’re working on that.”

Pippa’s relaxed a bit, head tilting back, and though Hecate notes how tired she looks, it’s obvious how much the pain relief has relaxed her now that her shoulder is more or less repaired. Hecate’s fingers delicately find her chin again and with a clean cloth she begins to swipe at the paste above the bruise, blotting it away to reveal clear skin. She’s glad Pippa’s eyes remain close so she can’t see the wet that’s gathered along the edges of her own lashes at both Pippa words and at just how beautiful Pippa seems to her - has always seemed to her.

“I’m not mother material,” she blurts out and Pippa’s eyes fly open. “I mean - I don’t - I hardly know anything about raising a child.”

Pippa levels her with a steady gaze. “It’s my opinion that she will be safest with you, that it’s what’s best for her. There’s so much she can learn from you. And I hope that you will teach her. But she must never know you don’t want her, Hecate. And if you can’t handle that, you need to tell me now and I’ll make other arrangements.”

Hecate drops the vial she’s holding and only a hasty bit of spellwork keeps it from smashing to the floor. It reappears in her hand and she shakes her head, gasping. “I haven’t said - it’s not that I don’t - _Pippa - “_

Her tone must hold such an utterly desperate plea that Pippa softens, but only a little.

“I know it’s sudden.” She shakes her head, looking contrite, but then smiles a little. “And you know a lot about raising children. You’ve done it hundreds of times by now.”

“Students,” Hecate rasps. “Not a - a -“ the word won’t come to her and she bows her head, hands restless on the examination tray, preparing a second salve for Pippa’s head wound.

“If you could do it all again - “ Pippa says suddenly, and then stops. Shuts her eyes. Shakes her head. “Never mind. What’s done is done.”

She sounds so resigned to it that Hecate cannot calm her heart enough to voice the answer. She focuses instead on something that’s been caught in her mind, flitting beneath the panic. “You said few knew of the child’s existence?”

Pippa’s eyes find her and she hesitates. “It - it wasn’t an easy pregnancy,” she says eventually. “As you might imagine.”

Feeling sick, Hecate tries not to.

“Given how things - how things were - I thought it best to avoid too many questions about parentage. And I thought it wise, after you had made it clear that I should keep my distance, that you would appreciate the discretion as well.” Pippa crosses her arms, but winces, and Hecate’s moves forward and peels off the now dried suturing spell with trembling fingers. Below is only a thin, faint line, a marker of what’s been done to Pippa. A memory.

Hecate’s hands move to Pippa’s dress but Pippa brushes her away. “I’ll do that, you finish with my head.”

Hecate nods and applies the paste to Pippa’s temple, while Pippa twists her fingers above her shoulder and she dress begins to knit back together only to fall back to pieces as she winces at the sharp sting against her brow.

“Easy,” Hecate murmurs, free hand wrapping around the base of Pippa’s skull to hold her steady. “Almost done.” She finishes and blinks, hand still cupping Pippa’s head, not realizing how close they’ve become. There are tear tracks down Pippa’s cheeks and freckles - oh, so, familiar and uncountable across her nose - and Hecate can hardly breath. Can only look into Pippa’s eyes and see the pain, and hurt, and confusion that her actions a decade back have caused. “Easy,” she whispers again, because Pippa looks as though she’s about to cry in full, and Hecate can’t help but curl her fingers in the soft golden strands of Pippa’s hair.

It would be so easy to kiss her. To inch forward and let the sweet, comforting meeting of their mouths turn her brain blissful, and warm and -

She pulls back but not without regret.

“What will you do?” She asks, clearing her throat a little too forcefully, hands dropping as she stumbles through the routine of clearing up the medical supplies. “About the threats?”

She looks over her shoulder and Pippa’s sitting frozen, fingertips to her lips. Hecate drops her eyes and drops the flask she’s holding. It hits the metal tray with a clang and she winces.

“Same as I always have, I suspect,” Pippa shrugs. “I can’t stop living my life, can I?”

“If you are concerned about Joy, is there reason to be concerned about the students who study at your school?”

Behind her she hears Pippa slide off the table. “My students elect to study what’s commonly called as ‘modern’ magic. But they’re not born of it. Not they way Joy is. She’d be protected if she were to able to pass as one of the students, but if anyone ever found out - “

“She’d be threat to those who hunt you because of the magic in her blood.”

Hecate turns to Pippa and looks at her, aches for her, longs to gather her in her arms and feel that very magic that pulses through her every veins. The very blood that gives her life. And makes her different.

“She’s got Hardbroom blood too, you know.” Pippa murmurs. “As your child, that would offer her some protection. You’re of an old and respected lineage. And I’m -“ Pippa blushes. “Well, something rather new and different.” She pauses, fingers twisting together uncertainty. “I’m sorry. I don’t suppose you wanted people to find out this way.”

Hecate can’t tell if she means about how this child came to be, or about the child’s lineage, but she simply shakes her head, opting to focus on less emotional avenues instead.

“Has it - has it caused any - well - health issues, I suppose. The blending of -

_Our magic._

Again, she can’t say it.

“Your bloodline and mine? The fact that she’s going to grow up tp run circles around all of us notwithstanding?” Pippa chuckles a little. “I’ll try to have this mess sorted by her teen years. You really will stop speaking to me for life if you’re forced to go through those with her.”

Hecate doesn’t laugh.  

After a minute Pippa sobers, fidgeting uncomfortably. “I want to make sure that this is your choice. That you’re not saying yes out of obligation. We have a good network of support. We’d be okay.”

And Hecate - Hecate heart trembling, lungs trembling, body trembling - steps forward and takes Pippa’s hands. She pulls her in until Pippa’s standing just before her, nearly a head shorter, gazing at her in opened mouthed in surprise.

“I thought that I was keeping you safe,” she whispers, hardly able to get the words out. “I thought that if I left that no harm would come to you.”

She drops Pippa’s hands  and reaches out and touches the plaster that is still against Pippa’s forehead instead. Slowly she pulls it away, holding her breath as her trembling fingers make the task painstaking. Pippa’s hands find her arms, fingers digging into the flesh beneath her dress as she cries out from the in pain. The mess comes away, and Hecate can’t help it, can’t help herself. Her lips brush against the small, nearly starlike, scar there. And Pippa cries out again, clinging to her.

She pulls away and tries to find Pippa’s eyes through the tears that are crowding along her lashes, heartbreak and agonizing regret searing her lungs. “Pippa,” she breathes. “What happened to Margaret Jones and Samantha Notwood was -“

“I know,” Pippa chokes out, eyes desperately sad. “But you didn’t have to leave us.” She shakes her head, obviously used to being part of an ‘us’ these past ten years, and corrects herself. “Me,” she whispers. “You didn’t have to leave me.”

“But I did.” Hecate’s lips are trembling and her hands find Pippa’s cheeks, cupping them tightly, trying to make her understand. “They weren’t the only witches murdered that summer. Witches like us. And I thought - I thought - I thought that if you’d just be rid of me, then you’d be safe -” She’s crying now, tears sharp and hot against her cheeks, and Pippa’s much the same, fingers curling in Hecate’s dress, small sounds of pain creeping out as she tries in vain to press her lips together. “I thought that no harm would come to you. But it has come to you. It came anyway. And I wasn’t - I wasn't there to stop it. I _couldn’t_ stop it. Or stand with you when the time came to face all of this. And I’d given up that right trying to prevent the very thing that has ended up happening. And when I got the message - when they told me you were here -“ She swallows and sways hopelessly, “And Pippa - Pippa - we have a _daughter_ \- “

She’s sobbing now, years of desperate pain and burning heartbreak burning through her chest and she doubles over, trying to turn away, loathed to force Pippa to comfort her when she’s put her through so much - when she deserves so little. But Pippa’s there all the same, arms wrapping around Hecate’s back as she turns with her, stumbling back to collapse on the small exam table, paper akimbo as she tucks Hecate against her and holds her as she cries.

“I only - only - ever wanted you -“ Hecate gasps between tears. “I only have ever imagined life with you. A child with you -“ She shakes her head, feels Pippa’s own tears dropping like hot rain against her cheek. “The world has changed so much, it’s so much safer now for witches who love the way that we - that - we -“ she trembles violently, shuddering in Pippa’a arms. “There’s freedom now and - and - _hope_ \- b-but - “ she chokes on tears and fights to continue on “- but there was never anyone else for me. Never anyone else.”

She feels lightheaded and sucks in a breath, fighting to control her breathing as Pippa pulls her back to study her, her own eyes red, her cheeks mottled pink and pale all at once. “But you said -“

“I know what I said -“ Hecate fights against the rising shame. It threatens to blot out her senses like a storm at high noon and send her fleeing from the room. “I know what I said. I needed you to think - to think -“

“That you hated me?” Pippa’s voice is hardly a whisper and Hecate nods miserably.

“Yes. I knew that you wouldn’t stay away. I knew that you wouldn’t -“ she laughs a little through her tears but it only makes her sound more broken “‘stop living your life’ just because of a threat. I knew you were far braver than I ever could be.”

Pippa’s gazing at her, hardly breathing. “You never gave me a choice in the matter.”

“No. Not when I thought losing you that way would be better than losing you to death.”

There’s silence between them and Pippa looks so lost that Hecate shakes her head and tries to explain. “When I think of what was done to those women,” she gasps and Pippa’s face crumbles. And Hecate catches it between her palms, her thumbs brushing through Pippa’s tears, holding her gently, holding her reverently. “When I think about what happened to you today - “

She pulls Pippa in so that her chin is on her shoulder and her arms go around Pippa’s waist. It’s as easy and as natural as anything she’s ever done and she pulls her closer still, trying to feel her heartbeat between their skin and bones and clothing.

“I’m going to find them and catch them myself,” she whispers harshly. “I’m going to find them and when I do  -“

Pippa pulls back abruptly. “No.” She shakes her head. But her fingers are on Hecate’s cheek, stroking softly. “No. You are going to return to Cackle’s. With our daughter. And you are going to get to know her. And you are going to keep her safe and teach her magic. And she - s-she is going to love you.”

“Pippa -“ Hecate leans into her touch. After ten years of denial, it’s not enough and yet it’s everything. She moves closer.

“Hecate -“

There’s a whoosh and a small slip of paper appears between them, nudging at Pippa until she reaches up and pluck it from the air. She slides off the table.

“It’s Avery. Joy’s talking in her sleep. She thinks that she’ll wake soon.”

Hecate follows her down, hovering while Pippa curls her fingers and conjures a return message, flicking at the paper until it wizzes on it’s way.

They look at each other and Hecate reaches out and slowly raises Pippa’s bra strap up her arm. Pippa bites her lip but doesn’t look away. Gently, Hecate presses her fingers right about the fresh scar and Pippa’s dress is once again whole, the blood stain fading into the pale pink of the fabric, and then into nothing.

Pippa reaches up and takes her hand. “Hecate - ?”

“Hmm?” Hecate feels a little dazed, unfocused from the emotions and the whirlwind of the day. She allows Pippa to tug her towards the door. And Pippa’s only just wedged the door open when Hecate stops her. Pippa tilts her head back to frown up at her, a question written in her eyes.

When Hecate’s mouth finds hers she gasps. But by the time Hecate pulls away, she’s smiling.

She gazes at her, head still tilted back, nearly against Hecate’s chest, eyes wet and awfully bright. “Are you ready to meet your daughter?”

The room loses oxygen for a moment, but then fills all at once, working through Hecate’s lungs until they’re full and heady with air, with anticipation. With anxiety. With promise.

With joy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sweetheart -“
> 
> They both straighten and Pippa looks between them, biting her lip in amusement. “Joy,” she says, pointedly, but her eyes slide to Hecate’s

Pacing restlessly outside the door to Joy’s room, Hecate crosses her arms, turning to make another tight circuit of the hallway.

“You’ll wear a hole through the floor if you keep that up,” Avery mutters, watching Hecate with unreadable eyes. “Though I suppose pacing _is_ better than running.”

Hecate comes up short as Avery continues to eye her.  “I’d be remiss not to say anything, but hurting Pippa’s one matter. If you hurt Joy -“

“I don’t intent to.”

Her throat aches and Avery looks unconvinced.

“Did you intend to hurt Pippa?”

Hecate studies the floor. “It was an unavoidable consequence.”

Avery tuts.

“She’s built a life for herself, you know. She’s doing well. They’re both doing well.” She frowns and then sighs. “Aside from the current troubles.”

Resuming her pacing, Hecate tries to think. “I only want to be of help. If I can be.”

“You can be of help by not breaking Pippa’s heart again. Or Joy’s for that matter.”

Hecate stops in front of her once again and studies her. “How did you meet Pippa?”

Avery's eyes - though still cool - soften a little. “Was studying childhood education and needed a bit of extra funds. Joy was no bigger than a loaf of bread and Pippa was a guest lecturer at my uni. Took to babysitting her. We got on so well that when I graduated and Pippa was looking for a Deputy -” She shrugs, “I was young. But I’m operationally minded and fairly efficient. We’ve done well together.”

Hecate scrubs at her face. “I’m not certain what Pippa has or hasn’t told Joy about her parentage.” She twists her hands, overwhelmingly anxious. “I do realize that I’m an absentee parent, swooping in to take her away from her mother for reasons she might not yet understand. The events of the day will have already left her vulnerable, to then be separated from all she’s even known -“

She breaks off, arms curling around her waist again uncertainty. Avery’s eyes have softened further and she gives a crooked smile. “You care about her already.” She cocks her head and Hecate swallows.

“She’s my daughter.”

Their eyes meet and after a moment Avery pushes herself off the wall and steps closer. “Joy knows her mum’s a single parent. She knows she’s loved. But I suspect this is a conversation you should have with Pippa. From what I gather, Pippa’s done everything to protect Joy from feeling like she wasn’t wanted.”

Hecate winces. “I only just learned about her existence today.”

“I know,” Avery says softly. “But it’s not something Pippa could explain to her.” She scuffs a toe against the floor and gives Hecate a sidelong look. “It wasn’t just a job that Pippa gave me - I was young and foolish and the reason why I needed the cash, as it turns out, was that I was going to have a baby of my own. I didn’t, thank god. Pippa helped me - came with me to the clinic and everything. She had concealed her pregnancy pretty well with spells and illusions - very cagey if anyone asked questions. But once she had told me more about Joy, I asked if she’d ever considered doing the same.” Avery pauses. “She hadn’t. She told me that a little piece of you was better than losing you in full. But still, her heart was broken. It messed with her magic pretty badly and they almost lost her during the birth. I think Joy broke her heart and healed it at the same time.”

Hecate takes a shivering, shuddering breath, hand across her face to hide the tears that rise up in her eyes.

“I should have been there.”

“That’s a choice you made.”

“Yes,” Hecate gasps, and looks up imploringly. “And I cannot change it. But I can do all I can now to protect Joy. To keep her safe.”

Avery nods. “I might not have decided to have a kid of my own, but I wouldn’t trade Joy in for the world.”

Hecate opens her mouth to respond just as Pippa opens the door and pokes her head out. “Avery, she’s asking for you.”

Avery ducks her head and slips past Hecate, squeezing Pippa’s arm as Pippa steps out into the hall before the door shuts behind her. Hecate pushes down at ache that blooms inside her, hot and sick, and silence falls between them.

“We talked about what happened today,” Pippa says softly. “I’ve explained to her that it’s not safe for her to live at home right now. And I’ve explained that she has a second home now. With you.”

Hecate inhales. “Does she know - know -“

“That you’re her mother?”

Helplessly, Hecate bites her lip.

“We talked about that too. I told her that you were here. That because of a miscommunication between us, you hadn’t know you had a daughter -“ Pippa breaks off. “I couldn’t promise her that it would have made a difference if you had.”

Hecate shakes her head, shamefaced.

“You know what she said when I told her that her other mother was here and that her name is Hecate Hardbroom?”

Again, Hecate shakes her head.

“She said ‘ _oh that school friend of yours. I’ve always wondered why I’ve never met her when your eyes get all like that over her whenever you talk about her._ ’” Pippa laughs a little. “And I do suppose  talk about you accidentally from time to time. Little stories here and there. I can’t help it. She’s grown up knowing your name at least.”

Hecate stares, amazed. “She knows about me?”

“Not that you’re her mum,” Pippa blushes. “But you were such a huge part of my life - I can’t - I couldn’t pretend - “

Hecate reaches out and clasps Pippa’s hand. “I - I won’t be such a stranger then?”

Pippa shakes her head. “If she asks you about the time we were caught sneaking into the kitchen at night to bake a cake before we ate nearly the whole thing and got caught, you’ll need to own up to it.”

Heart spinning, Hecate can’t help but let out a sharp laugh of surprise.

Pippa gives her a grin and they share a look. The door flies open and Avery appears. “Somebody heard that there was a cafe downstairs and is hoping that there are sweets.”

She looks towards Pippa and Pippa smiles. “Why not,” she shrugs and Avery scoots past, squeezing her shoulder as she goes. “Bring back donuts?”

Pippa’s voice echoes down the hallway and Avery waves in confirmation without turning.

She disappears and Pippa turns to Hecate. “Go on then.”

“You’re not coming?”

“Would you like me to?”

“I think Joy might be more relaxed if you’re there - and she might have questions -“

“Alright then.”

Pippa nudges her forward and Hecate takes a deep breath, pushing open the door and entering the room, Pippa right behind her.

The girl is sitting up in bed propped up by pillows, examining an octagonal contraption made of glass and wood. “Avery brought me a star globe puzzle,” she announces, tongue between her teeth, and Hecate loses her breath as the girl looks up. It’s like looking at her younger self in a mirror. If her younger self had Pippa’s eyes - and blessedly - her nose.

She doesn’t realize she’s not moving until Pippa prods her in the back and she steps further into the room.

“Hi sweetheart,” Pippa moves from behind her and crosses to be bed, dropping a kiss on Joy’s forehead before settling beside her. She gestures that Hecate should come further in and Hecate tentatively shuffles forward.

Joy’s still watching her. “You’re my other mum.”

Flushing, Hecate holds her gaze but ducks a nod, taking another step and then another until she comes to stand before the chair by the bed and then stiffly sits.

“Yes,” she says finally and Joy looks at Pippa and then back at her.

“I’m Joy Hartangle.”

Hecate blanches. “My name is -“

“Hecate Hardbroom. Mum said.” The girl regards her curiously and Hecate twists her hands in her lap.”I’ve heard stories about you and mum.”

From behind Joy, Pippa raises her eyebrows, eyes twinkling and Hecate shoots her a look.

She figures she ought to say something, and after hesitating on the words for a moment she settles on the truth. “I am very glad to meet you, Joy.”

“Mum also said - she said that I was going to come and stay with you for a little while. That you also live in a castle and teach at a school.”

Pippa nods encouragingly, taking Joy’s hand and Joy bites her lip, looking up at her and then to Hecate.

“Yes. Cackle’s Academy. I am the potions mistress and Deputy Head.”

“Potions - knacky. I’ve been experimenting with bat saliva, but Mum says I’m not allowed to go at it unsupervised anymore. Last time I tried adding it to my Levitation Potion and ended up on the ceiling of the great hall for _hours_.” Joy grins and Pippa looks about to laugh, but nudges her.

“Terrified the whole of the Pentangle’s staff, she did.”

“Mum was very cross.”

“That’s funny,” Hecate murmurs, “I distinctly recall she performed a similar stunt her third year. Only it was a Sneezing Serum and she blew out the windows in the whole of the East Wing.”

Joy stares at her, delighted. “ _Knacky_.”

“Joy,” Pippa admonishes, and Joy laughs, leaning back against Pippa helpless with giggles.

“You’re funny,” she declares and Hecate’s eyebrows rise to her hairline. But she can’t help the way the edges of her mouth long to curl upwards at Joy’s smile.

“The girls at my school would say that I’m more strict than funny.”

Joy tilts her head. “Will I - will I get to see Mum sometimes?”

Pippa rests her chin atop Joy’s head and Hecate’s heart squeezes up at the sight of it.

“Yes, I hope so.” She kisses Joy’s ear and looks down at her seriously. “The number one priority right now is that you’re safe, Joy-of-my-Heart. But I think we can think up a cover story of why I’d need to visit Cackle’s regularly. Perhaps a Spelling Bee or Educational Exchange.” Her eyes meet Hecate’s, and Hecate gives a small nod.

There’s a small knock on the door and Avery appears holding a bag of pastries and Joy lights up. “Chocolate biscuits?”

“You got it, Star Shine,” Avery brandishes a cookie and Joy takes, happily munching.

“Thanks -“ she says around a mouthful, crumbs falling everywhere, and Hecate is oddly, but distinctly, reminded of one Miss Mildred Hubble.

Pippa pats Joy’s arm and then stands. “Hecate, I need to sort out some arrangements with Avery. Do you and Joy think you’ll get along for a few minutes?” Joy nods, still focused on the cookie, but mumbles around the mouthful, “They’re probably just arranging who is going to eat the rest of the pastries so they don’t have to share.”

Avery laughs and hands her another cookie.

“Avery,” Pippa sighs.

“What - you’re one to talk.”

Laughing, Pippa grabs the bag and pulls out a donut. “Ugh, thank god. Day I’ve had -“

The reminder of their situation brings sobriety to the room, and Pippa looks at Hecate. “You’ll be alright?”

“Yes. We will be fine.”

Pippa nods and Avery follows her out.

There’s quiet, and Hecate shifts in her chair, uncertain of how to make conversation with a girl who is not a student.

“Cookie?” Joy is holding out the one Avery’s left her and Hecate’s heart trips over itself.

“No, thank you. You go ahead.”

Joy looks pleased and sets into it, closing her eyes in delight. “Mum is always trying to put her foot down around sweets. But mostly we end up just caving and eating them together anyway. I heard you got caught eating an entire _cake_ with her once.”

Hecate sniffs. “That was a very long time ago.”

Joy eyes her. “We look alike.”

“We do.”

“How come we’ve never met.”

Hecate curls her fingers so that her sweaty palms press against her dress. “I’m afraid there’s not a very good answer. I am sorry for it though.”

“Mum said that it was complicated.”

“She wanted to protect you.”

“But if I needed protection from you, why am I coming to live with you in order to be protected?”

Hecate forces herself not to look away. “Your mother and I - we - well. Things ended rather badly between us. It was my fault. I thought I was doing the right thing, and it turned out to be the wrong thing.”

“Like when I added bat saliva to my potion.”

Hecate nods, relieved that Joy is following. “Yes, exactly so.”

Joy studies her hands. “Are very bad people after my mother?”

She sounds awfully small, and Hecate shifts closer. It feels too forward to take Joy’s hand, so she reaches out and rested her palm on the covers instead, just beside her. “Your mother is a very bright witch and a very brave one. You might have realized that she does magic a little differently than others. It’s because her magic is a little different than others. It’s rare. As is yours. And some people don’t like that. They don’t like that she’s proud of it, that she teaches how to use magic the way that she does innately to those who do magic like the rest of us.”

“They want to hurt her.” Joy’s voice wavers and her knees are suddenly up by her eyes, hands in her hair. “They were hurting her today,” Joy whimpers, and Hecate’s heart clenches in pain for what the girl has witnesses. “I should have helped her - but I couldn’t get to her. There were so many of them and she was fighting them off and - and - “

Hecate moves her hand and places it on Joy’s knee.

“Joy,” she says softly, and after a few minutes Joy’s tears slow. Hecate conjures a handkerchief and Joy looks up, taking it and wiping at her eyes. “What you saw today, no child should have to witness. You were very brave, just like your mother was. There’s nothing you could have done. In that type of situation, your job is to remain safe. That’s what she would want.”

Joy blows her nose. “She looked so scared.”

“I know.” Hecate lets her fingertips rest more fully on Joy’s knee. “But she is alright now, and so are you. And the people who did this to her are being searched for. In the meantime, our job - both hers and mine - is to make sure that you are protected.”

Joy twists the handkerchief around her fingers absently and it changes from black, to pink, to green, to blue. Her knees uncurl and Hecate draws her hand back, watching the unconscious display magic give visual to Joy’s anxiety.

Hecate tilts her head, studying her. “You can brew a Levitation Potion?”

Joy looks up. “Since I was eight.”

Pleasure blooms through Hecate’s chest, warming her, and she gives Joy a small smile. “You know, I have several volumes on the properties of bat salvia that you might enjoy.”

Joy brightens. “Several _volumes_ - ?”

“I - yes.”

“What about slivered bat brain? Or claw? I always feel terrible using them as ingredients since mum says my familiar might be a bat, but they have such interested properties that I - “

Hecate frowns. “A bat familiar?”

Joy nods. “Yup. At Pentangle’s the familiar is the witch’s choice. But I’ve heard cats are traditional elsewhere”

“I see.”

Hecate wonders what other differences exist between Pentangle’s and Cackle’s, but can’t dwell on it because the door opens and Pippa enters “Alright you two?”

They both nod.

“Sweetheart -“

They both straighten and Pippa looks between them, biting her lip in amusement. “Joy,” she says, pointedly, but her eyes slide to Hecate’s, “Avery has gone to collect your things. She’ll be back shortly. In the meantime, there’s some things I need to go over with Hecate - security procedures. Will you be alright on your own for a spell?”

Joy picks up the star globe and squints at it. “Yup.”

“Good.”

Pippa nods at Hecate and Hecate rises, following her from the room. They walk down a long hallway, turn a corner and end up in an office. Pippa closes the door. “One of the doctor’s has given us the room to talk in.”

She rounds on Hecate, pushing her against the door, mouth suddenly against hers and Hecate whimpers as heat sears through her body.

Pippa kisses her like she’s dying for air and Hecate’s her last breath. She presses flush against her, one hand trembling against Hecate’s cheeks, the other cupping the back of her neck to haul her closer. Hecate realizes she’s crying, and gently pushes on her shoulders, guiding her back.

“Safely procedures?” She gasps and Pippa’s head drops to her shoulder. She’s trembling and Hecate wonders how much of this is a delayed reaction to shock. “Pippa?”

“There are no safety procedures,” Pippa whispers. “The police captain just spoke to me and Avery. They are searching, but they don’t think that a security detail is warranted. And I don’t care much for myself, but I’d rest more easily knowing that someone was keeping an eye on Joy. They have promised, however, not to release that I have a daughter.”

She looks up then, eyes dark, and Hecate cups her cheek. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I suppose we should think of a cover story for you. We could say that she’s your niece - “

“I’d like her to be my daughter.”

She doesn't know she means it until she says it, but her thumb strokes along Pippa’s cheek, gathering up her fallen tears, and she realizes that she does mean it more than anything.

“If I can’t say that she’s our daughter, I want her to at least to still be mine. She’s nearly school age. It would make sense for her to appear at Cackle’s now as part of accelerated studies program. She’s lived with my relatives during the school year for the whole of her life. I’m rather private about it, so though it might come as a surprise, it wouldn’t be implausible.”

“You are rather private, aren’t you.” Pippa whispers, and Hecate swallows at the way one of Pippa’s fingers is tracking along her collarbone.

“Yes, and hardly the sort for a warm and fuzzy exchange of emotions. Spending the majority of the year away from my daughter also wouldn’t seem implausible for many that know me.” She catches Pippa’s hand before it drives her to distraction and holds it gently. “And I _have_ been away her whole life. Let me start to make amends. I don’t want to say I’m her maiden aunt and then have that come to be how she thinks of me.”

Pippa laughs. “No, she already has Aunt Avery.”

Hecate rolls her eyes. “ _Hartangle_?”

“Named for you. And for me. And for said Aunt. I thought it a clever tribute and yet it a disguise.” The look at each other for a moment and Pippa bites her lip. “Hecate -“

It’s so easy to get lost in Pippa’s eyes, and Hecate hums a little, trying to refocus. “Hecate -“ Pippa breathes again, her mouth finds Hecate’s own once more, achingly sweet in tenderness and Hecate sighs into it, the full of her body submitting to Pippa’s touch.

Pippa’s arms twine around her neck and she deepens the kiss. Tasting salt, Hecate goes to pull back, but Pippa shakes her head, lips following Hecate’s. “Don’t stop. At least not yet.”

They stumble backwards, and Hecate presses Pippa against the desk, tongue finding Pippa’s, lips burning where they brush and glide along Pippa’s own. Pippa arches into her, gasping, and Hecate’s hand find her waist pulling her up against her. “Pippa,’ she whispers. “Pippa, I -“

Pippa’s hands are trembling on her shoulders, her body quivering as Hecate’s hands move over her. She breaks the kiss and looks at her through tear stained lashes, breathing hard.

“We should stop,” Hecate whispers, fingertips tracking the outline of Pippa’s lips. “Last time we did this we made an entirely whole new person.”

Pippa parts her lips, mouth soft against Hecate’s fingers, and they both make small noises at the contact. “We should stop,” she echoes, but her hands tighten on Hecate’s waist.

Hecate catches her mouth again with her own to contain the sound Pippa makes as her fingers trace downwards, mouth eager as it moves to Pippa’s jaw.

“After what happened today,” Hecate murmurs, busy just under Pippa’s ear, “I want to be close to you - I need to - I need - “ She scrapes her teeth down Pippa’s neck, “to help you -“ Her hand finds the edge of Pippa’s skirt. “Let me help you.”

Pippa, trembling in her arms, hauls her face up for another kiss, rocking against her, hands framing Hecate’s face. She kisses her like she’s her salvation, and Hecate cries out at the thought.  

“I’ve missed you - “ she gasps, voice thick with tears and rough with arousal. “All these years -“

They kiss fiercely, and Hecate’s fingers trail up the inside of Pippa’s thigh, easing her further back onto the desk. “I can’t lose you again - I can’t -“

But Pippa freezes, hand reaching down to still Hecate’s. Something is moving across her face but a second later she’s kissing Hecate again. Sweetly, and hungrily, and so brokenly that Hecate realizes that it feels like a goodbye.

Pippa pulls away and slumps forward, forehead against Hecate’s shoulder back trembling. Her hand blindly finds Hecate’s cheek and Hecate turns her head, kissing her palm, arms tightening around Pippa’s back.

“I understand, now, why you did it. Why you left.” Pippa shifts and looks up at her, tears streaming down her face. “Which is why we can’t - we can’t - “ she chokes on tears and cups Hecate’s cheek. “If they found out about Joy, they’d come for her. If they found out about you -” her voice breaks. “You and Joy both, and what you mean to me.” She whispers. “It’s too great a risk.”

Hecate shakes her head. “Pippa - “

“I’d only be putting you in danger. You left to protect me. Who would I be if I lead danger right to you after all of that.”

Hecate clasps her hand. “But I shouldn’t have left. I should have faced things with you - together - I didn’t give you that choice -”

“No,” Pippa says, and her voice is exhausted, tinged with heartbreak. “You didn’t.” She returns her head to Hecate’s shoulder and lets out a long, shuddering breath. Her hands smooth up and down Hecate’s back, as if she’s trying to memorize the shape of her. “It doesn’t mean that I don’t -” she breaks off again, and Hecate eases her back so that she can tilt her chin up.

“I know.”

She kisses Pippa then, slowly, tenderly, and Pippa locks her arms about her neck as their lips make promises that they both know might never be kept.

They part and Pippa wipes at her eyes. “I wish -”

“When this is all over,” Hecate promises her. “When it ends.”

Pippa’s slides off the desk as she tucks herself into Hecate’s arms, holding her. “It seems we never get the chance to start.”

“I’m sorry.” She is. So desperately, desperately sorry, and Pippa makes a small, pained sound.

Cupping the back of Pippa’s head, Hecate surrenders herself to feeling the way she breathes against her, the faint pulse of her heartbeat, the way her hands feel pressed against her back. “Our daughter,” she whispers, “Pippa, she’s - she’s -” There aren’t any words and she holds Pippa a little more tightly. “Perfect.” She finally whispers.

Pippa laughs a little through her tears. “Wait until you have to go head-to-head with her to quit reading, turn off the light, and go to bed.” Hecate smiles, hand stroking down Pippa’s back. “But yes, she is pretty perfect, isn’t she?” Pippa’s face tilts up and she smiles wetly up at Hecate. “She’s a gift.”

Hecate can’t help the emotions that rise up through her, she sweeps a hand down Pippa’s side and presses it against her abdomen. “You had a baby.”

“I had your baby.” Pippa’s eyes are hooded again, and Hecate gives her a look.

“Pipsqueak -”

Pippa sighs and then takes a slow and steading inhale. After a moment she steps back to blow her nose on a pink hanky that she conjures. “I liked knowing that it was yours,” she admits. “I just wish it hadn’t been quite so - so -”

“Bittersweet?”

Pippa nods. “I just wanted you with me. Just because it was the first time we’d slept together, didn’t mean we’d been anything less than in love for years. Or so I’d thought.” She looks anxious, and Hecate takes her hand.

“You’re not wrong.”

“Why did it take us so long,” Pippa frowns, wiping at her eyes.

“I was a bit of an idiot, I suppose,” Hecate murmurs and Pippa laughs.

“I’d been trying to get you into bed since our school days. And then you left the first time, and then you came back - “

“I spend that whole summer trying not to kiss you.”

Pippa looks at her curiously. “Why didn’t you?”

Hecate shrugs. “I didn’t realize you wanted me to.”

Eyebrows rising, Pippa descends on her. “You,” she sighs in a voice riddled with exasperation, “are,” she steps closer, “the densest witch,” her arms hook around Hecate’s neck, “I ever knew.” Her lips are inches away and Hecate finds herself sighing into her mouth.

“Not dense,” she whispers when they part. “Just terribly in love and awfully foolish.”

“In love.” Pippa’s voice is filled with tears again and Hecate rubs her nose against Pippa’s, savoring the feel of Pippa’s warm body tucked within her arms.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t mean it, then? That it was a mistake? That I was a mistake?” Pippa sounds so fragile and Hecate kisses at her lower lip, traces it with her tongue, slides her hands down Pippa’s back and hauls her closer until they sway together.

“I thought,” she gasps, “that if you hated me, then you wouldn’t love me anymore. That if you didn’t love me anymore, then no one would discover what was between us. That you’d - I don’t know - realize that I wasn’t worth it. Settle down with someone safe.”

Pippa looks at her seriously. “That’s terrible.”

“Yes,” Hecate sighs, chagrined, “I know.”

“Fortunately for you,” Pippa whispers, “I couldn’t stop loving your if I tried. I couldn’t just fall into bed with another witch.” She levels Hecate with a narrow-eyed gaze. “Because just because you broke my heart, didn’t mean I fancy witches any less.” She softens and tucks a strand of hair behind Hecate’s ear. “You’re not a fluke, you know. You’re just my ideal.”

Trembling, Hecate rests her forehead against Pippa’s. “I’m sorry,” she whispers again.

Pippa shakes her head just slightly. “And I suppose being with child did make other witches seem off limits at the time. So in a rather ironic way, you did get your wish.”

Hecate bites her lip. “Pippa, do you know how rare it must be - Joy - how she - how we must have -” She sighs. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“A magically begotten baby?”

Hecate nods.

“I did some research. It is rare.” Pippa’s biting at her lower lip and Hecate touches her cheek.

“How - ?”

Pippa shakes her head. “From what I gather, our magic is different enough that anything is possible. And the way we felt about each other -” she blushes and Hecate does as well.

“I think,” she says slowly, remembering, “I think I recall the exact moment it must have happened.”

Pippa’s lips part, her cheeks flaming, and Hecate knows she’s remembering as well.

“Hecate -”

They’re kissing again, Hecate stumbling back until she’s once again pressed to the doctor’s door. She tries to stifle her cries and whimpers into Pippa’s mouth as they push frantically against on another.

Head spinning, she eases Pippa back. “I suppose we’ll have to learn more self-control.”

Pippa’s eyes are glassy. “You’ve always been far better at that than I have.”

Hecate smiles. “I suppose I have.”

“And I suppose it’s not the opportune time to give Joy a sibling.”

Something flashes through Hecate, a heady desire, and a longing - a longing -

She shuts her eyes against sudden tears and feels Pippa pull her gently back into her arms.

“Darling, I’m sorry.”

Hecate shakes her head, desperately sad. “I’ve missed so much. All these years.”

Pippa kisses the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her forehead. “‘ _Someday has to come someday_ ,’ Avery likes to say.” Her fingers brush away Hecate’s tears and Hecate opens her eyes, drinking in Pippa’s face, her freckles, her warm brown eyes.

“When this is over.”

“When this is over.” Pippa promises.

They stand together, simply holding each other, and eventually Pippa pulls back and sighs. “Avery should be back soon with Joy’s belongings. Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

Hecate nods, though her hands tighten on Pippa’s, squeezing her fingers.

“I’m working on a secure mirror line. We have a wiz of a witch-tech at Pentangle’s. Once it’s up I’ll have her work on maglet as well so we can communicate without worrying about interception.”

“Are _you_ going to be alright.”

Pippa freezes. Chews her lip. “I’ll sleep better knowing that Joy is safe.” She looks at Hecate, desperately worried. “We’ve never been apart before.”

“She’ll be fine,” Hecate promises. “And so will you.”

Pippa stands on her tiptoes and brushes her lips against Hecate’s. It deepens, and for a moment they kiss slowly, letting it be all that matters in the world. And Hecate knows by the goodbye exchanged silently within it, that it will be the last time she kisses Pippa Pentangle for a very long time.

“Please be careful,” Hecate whispers when they part, and Pippa stands for a moment, eyes closed, face still tilted up towards Hecate’s before she blinks and sighs.

“I will be.” she promises, hand warm on Hecate’s arm. “After all, there’s so much life that I still want to live -”

 _With you_.

The words hang unsaid in the air between them.

And even as her heart is breaking, Hecate smiles.


End file.
